Status Updates that I didn't post to www.facebook.com (April 2016)
by Zack Kouns

You know what they say: you can take the asshole out of Rick (by turning loose and asshole goblin on Rick’s incredibly tight asshole) but you can’t take Rick out of the asshole.

Bears hate eggs, I just can’t put it any plainer to you. Eggs are a silent killer. I love to dance around the beanpole with Bear Boy, that’s undeniable.

I love to spill the beans. It bugs me that I don’t get to go on a looooooooooooong rant about Navy Beans to everyone I passed today. I also like lentils more than I can say.

I’m going to sue your dad’s ass for posting hologram photos online. Your dad needs to start living in the 5th dimension with the rest of us.

I like to go to bed early and get good rest, just like Jimmy Stewart in “It’s A Wonderful Life”

MK ULTRA writes Tove Lo’s songs. All of them. Live that down.

Kitty Wells is pregnant with a stack of pancakes.

Bear Boy loves weed. It’s close enough to 420.

Really can’t wait to start an exciting new Rock band called Earth Sauce where I shred endlessly on overdriven guitar and sing some homespun lyrics.

This really falls into the category of “not my problem” but I do think Pony Payroll Bones should check out and become more familiar with the Clash’s complete catalog, especially “Sandanista.”

Here’s the first bumper sticker slogan here on planet earth: “The 70 people who signed Jenny Tucker’s petition can get into line to kiss my ass for a living” Tunnel Tongue.

Francis Buffalo replied to one of my comments and then took it offline. I never typed that “assword” crap, either. You’re just leaving out letters for the fun of it and that’s not my fault.

I just wish that you knew how to play the Moonlight Sonata to prove you were a real human boy and not some freak robot that I programmed to say all of my words in a robot voice.

I AM ME. ME. STARDADDY. I wrote a great cut about chasing a jaguar through a jungle today.

Hey Beluga, hey Jealousy.

The West Wing is full of political intrigue and I like to have a look at it. Political leaders have spunk. I think I have a shot with Moira Kelly of the West Wing. Fast paced political intrigue in a dramatic way is really interesting. The West Wing Christmas episode has me crying my eyes out. Political intrigue has got the SPIRIT BABY. Rob Lowe has won my heart, as well as the folksy charm of Martin Sheen and the seductive qualities of Moira Kelly.

Westwood Murray just delivered the Stardaddy eulogy and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house because no one was in the house.