THE BUFF

-Rick Weaver

I answered the call of the wild — the call of The Buff.

He was shooting a new television commercial, and he wanted me to film him flexing, speaking, vamping, pointing, raging, smirking, posing, poising, rocking, plugging, and thundering. He said he was going to go wild in front of the camera; he said he was always going wild off-camera. I believed him wholeheartedly. I knew his style. The Buff was wild; he was always losing it.

I couldn’t wait for the new rooms to open up. I had seen the door — I even tried to jostle the doorknob once, but to no avail. The damn door was locked.

I went nuts thinking about what The Buff might be housing behind those new rooms. So when he asked me to shoot his new television commercial, I jumped at the chance. I thought he might spill the beans, and I would maybe have a little bit of information regarding those new rooms behind locked doors. It got me going — the idea that I might be able to start to form a picture. It got me going — the idea that one day I might actually step into one of those new rooms.

In passing, someone mentioned fluoride is bad for the pineal gland, acting like novocaine for the third eye. I figured that The Buff was the antidote to all the years of fluoride. If anybody could get my juices going, The Buff could. Because The Buff is a real charismatic guy, as any of you who have had the pleasure of meeting The Buff would know. He asked me:

“Is it rolling?”

And I said:

“Yes”

And, boy howdy, did the Buff start to speak.

And this is what he said:

“They call me The Buff

and

business is booming     ‘cause

The Buff is expanding

scouring the transmission;

 finally he makes it to the top of the cliff:

The second location.

(few shots of the bush fades to:

INT. — The Buff

flexes for a while before the big drop-off

bombshell. release the mask, scoring the

expansion as the mayor

the tile explodes

standing on the counterweight

nestle sculptures with flames”

can you believe I simply petted him smiling

the perks.  the wilding,  big match-up, what we

care to call the hot seat in the big leagues

a thrust swirls candy rules switching vicinity asks

the red hide

divinity getting feeling up

a as fist rumors reject hunger or the notion that

the big leagues could pencil in

a rejection of religion

the horny fin fister caps oil

pelt,

the very thing I am petting

take

a rain check,

Vencedor Vendor,

for tonight is the big one:

Weighteye vs. The Buff

at crowded room full of exploding triggers checks his

timer

at anthracite”