by Lauren Hamami
Dreamt that I let an old friend drive me around an old neighborhood in a red go kart. A fake cop pulled him over because he was smashing into cars constantly. I was very reasonable and pleasant with this impostor so as to get him off our case. Then the next day I was getting ready for my first day of high school when a fake private detective came up to my house and asked me and my mom where my dad was. We told him that he didn't live in the house. He then proceeded to say "ma'am, you smoke too many cigarettes." I said "wait a minute...are you connected to that fake cop?" He said "well, I do have 3 degrees" and got into his car. I asked him for his name and he didn't answer. I memorized his license plate by saying it to myself out loud and said "aha, this is public information, right?!" He said it was and said "look..." pointing to a little square in the corner of the plate that I didn't see before. Inside of the square it read "Virginia Beach" in cursive. I knew that it was a fake clue...he was not from Virginia Beach. I went inside and chugged a nearly frozen Miller High Life, slapped on a temporary orange and green butterfly tattoo and threw a piece of gum in my mouth before I peeled out of my driveway and set off for school. I was driving through the suburbs and stopped at the tallest hill around. A man pointed out a cottonwood tree to his young son. He pretended to shave the bark and in the hand of the shavings would have fallen into, he slid some parmesan cheese. Then he extended his hand to his son and asked "what does it smell like to you?" The little boy replied "PIZZA!" and the father smiled.