Status Updates that I didn't post to www.facebook.com (August 2016)
by Zack Kouns

Tickling you for about 7 minutes straight

I don't understand how to stream stuff online but I am as mad as fire that I can't express my opinion on the air

A coffee bean is not a bean I'm into because I am charged up 24 hours a second and that one just about does me in.

Hmm, aliens probably erased his memory so that he doesn't recall destroying the single season home run record only to be bested by Barry Bonds a year or so later

He just incinerated me with his ray gun because I didn't clap loud enough for one of his guitar solos. Somebody call the Cosmic Police Force (CPF)

The green screen sounds like a great place to flip off Rick with a coral reef as a background

Rick's dad is suing Rick's wife for not being real. Get that through my thick skull

Do you ever think that your heart will grow three sizes exactly like the Grinch heart?

It should ease your mind that I'm connecting to the Popeye saga a lot

Playing Donkey Kong drunk with my girlfriend

Bear Boy is the people's champion. Live that down.

420 is every second of every day for Bear Boy.

Here's a little fact of life for you: I poop more than anyone you know. I've already pooped 2 times this morning and I'm just getting started. The other day during an 8 hour shift at work I pooped 4 times. Get over that hurdle.

Do you ever watch a documentary about army officials disclosing facts about extraterrestrials after several grueling hours of getting your "belly button tickling" degree at Hocking Tickling Institute USA?

If Pony Payroll Bones would listen to the Clash more often he'd have a lot more easy nights. That's mathematics.

I've got a lot of attitude that I bring to the table and it's easy for me.