by MacBride Callihan

Howdy, my affable Propheteers. How are ya? You are well and smiling I do hope! Hmm…let’s see, let’s see…our Prophets are crushing thus far, as the NBA season has been underway for a few weeks now. Our very own Chet Marsh and Harris Mullins both had triple doubles in the first game of the season for the Charlotte Hornets—a feat that hasn’t been accomplished for the organization since Larry Johnson and Alonzo Mourning did it over 20 years ago. I know. Wow. Also, Striver Roark is putting up legit stats for the Utah Jazz, settling into his new role as part time shooting guard, part time assistant coach. Next month’s episode will be precisely about his current situation, as he’s promised me an in depth interview. I can tell you that he is overjoyed about being in Salt Lake City, as they have always been his team—so it’s a dream come true for him. As if he hadn’t already reached enough milestone dreams! Ha…hm, who else? Oh, Lord above, Sinners and Saints alike, listen up, our boy Paul Hastings is making a NAME for himself after coming off the injured reserve list just last week. If you don’t recall, Paul is a 21 year old youngster who worked at a local Shell gas station here in Flatwoods, Kentucky. Commissioner Silver set him up on the Minnesota Timberwolves for a crisp and clean 1 year/1 Million dollar “tester” contract back in Feb. of 2015. Now that’s a hell of a way to start your 20’s…a million bucks!

Well, Hastings showed promise right out of the gate, but was simply too weak and, frankly, he was frightened to play with these powerhouses. He hadn’t ever played organized ball in high school or college, only Church League. He suffered an ankle injury in his 4th game with the Timberwolves, but he’s been hitting the gym and rehabbing ever since. I’ve only talked to Paul a handful of times, to check in on his progress, but Adam Silver has been skyping with him throughout the entirety of his prolonged recovery, keeping his spirits up and even reworking the injured Hastings contract to a 3 year/7M dollar upgrade. Woah! Piling cash on an injured 21 year old might not be the best idea, I initially thought, but Silver, I must admit, has a tremendous intuitive knack. He sees the talent in someone before they themselves realize the talent they possess has such room for growth. It’s simply uncanny.

Silver called me last week, Thanksgiving day, actually. I hit the record button on this iPhone app I now have; I record him every time he calls, comes in handy when he barks a bunch of complicated orders at me! Haha! So here is Commissioner Silver, Prophet Nation: “Smitttttty! Hey bud! I’ve got a surprise for ya Holbrook, ya ol’ crook! Turn on ESPN. My boy is back, the one I hand-picked from the Wurtland/Flatwoods First Methodist Prophets…you know who, the boy! Paul Hastings. I wanted it to be a surprise, so I had the Timberwolves management keep it hush hush. And look how ready he is now…that injury was a blessing, Smith, I’m tellin’ you! Look how tough he is now Smitty! Are you watching him now!?!? He left the court an injured boy almost 2 years ago, and now, now he’s a warrior who has prepared himself to do battle. The kid’s got moxie, Holbrook. I’ve always been able to pick a winning horse! 16 points, 7 rebounds, 3 steals…good numbers, clearly, but, more than that, he, he, he looks comfortable out there! And calm! I knew those mindfulness classes would slow that wildly distracted mind of his down and help him focus. Wow…wow, awesome…just awesome. So, you enjoy the food and family today, buddy. But remember, Holbrook, today isn’t about gluttony or iPhones or politics. If today is about anything at all, it should be about reflecting on the unjust cruelty Native Americans have faced…let’s keep that at the forefront of our minds today. My dinner table is barren in terms of food, but my heart is plum full of admiration for the native tribes of this country. The struggle they’ve endured, their perseverance, their successes, their heritage. We must not forget, and we must continue mourning and empathizing, all in their honor. My family is here, and we will fast for a few days and we are going to delve into this further. This is about reverence, today, Smith. Don’t forget that. But, anyway, I know I’ve not let you speak, but I’ve gotta hop off of here. I’m co-hosting with you next month, if that’s okay with you. Much love and hope, as you always say. Love ya Smith, text me in a couple days.”

Well said, Commissioner Silver. Prophet Nation, I’m going to cut this Podcast short, and because I’m such a big-shot, respected semi-celebrity (in certain circles), I need not even explain why!!! I’m like the Kanye West of Church League Basketball Reporting! Haha! Dropping the mic, storming off stage, while the crowd screams, “MORE! WHAT THE HELL!?!?! I WANT MY MONEY’S WORTH!!!”

Actually, truthfully, I just need a nap! But a cup of tea and some time with my dearest wife first. So…as for you all…I believe you all will have a Christmas for the history books, my lovely Prophet Nation. Love, reverence, and understanding. Hope. All these things, and more. It’s there. You know it is. Talk to you in 2017. Over and out. I’m Smith Holbrook, and it’s Prophet Reporting.