A Message From Gus

Hey. Gus here again. I just want to let you all know I am not the one filling the parking lot up with all this goddam garbage. They are just turning the parking lot into a goddam zoo. it seems I ought to just open all the cages at the city zoo and just let all them animals go hog wild like they are going hog wild with all this trash in the parking lot, just throwing it around like I do not know what. All I know is that it is plain to see they have lost control.

I love this parking lot and I have paid my dues. So you can imagine it makes me sick to see these juveniles tossing trash all around all day.

I cannot hear too well these days as much, so one day they got me. It was early morning as I unlocked the gate to drive my truck into my lot. I was fumbling with the lock a bit, cursing under my breath, visible in the frozen air, when those kids came up behind me and hurled trash at the back of my head. I think it was a plastic bag filled with some things. I could be wrong.

And that’s not all that gets me about these goddam lot babies. They dress wrong too. Maybe you will not agree, but I honestly believe that only athletes should wear sporting clothes. Period. If you are going to dress up in jerseys and shorts or even paint your body with team colors, you had better have something to show for it. Prove it. Go ahead. Prove it to me. Take me on. Right here right now. On the lot. Do not go sneaking up behind me to throw plastic bags or whatever. Face me face to face and throw it. Then we will see who is boss. Even though we already know who is boss. It is me, Gus, the boss of the parking lot.

All of your days are numbered. Each and every one of you. I am sick of them, and I am sick of you losers who have been blaming me for tossing trash about. You know me better than that. Stop calling the city on me. I am not a murderer. I have paid my dues.

I am the boss. Stop throwing trash.