I Ain't Afraid
by Tabitha Vidaurri

So they announced that they're remaking Ghostbusters with an all-female cast of comedians. People have been flipping out about it and claiming it's ruining their childhoods or something. I don't understand how, as an adult, anything can ruin your childhood. Furthermore, a movie isn't going to do that, that's the job of your parents and your school.

As a female comedian, I would just like to say this. Do you remember that show, Jem? About the 80's band that had magical powers? Jem was able to transform using her special earrings and she had big poofy hair and wore a ton of makeup. I am willing to bet money that there were some little boys who used to watch Jem and The Holograms and dream about wearing those outfits and that makeup and singing. Just like I used to watch Ghostbusters and dream about having a proton pack on my back and zapping ghosts. Or I'd put on a red bandana and be Rafael (cool, but rude) fighting Shredder and making wisecracks. Ignoring, of course, the boys on the block who said, "You can't be that part, you're a girl." Well, I've made a career out of playing whoever the hell I want to play, whether or not they have a wiener between their legs. (Do turtles have wieners?)

If they made a Jem movie with an all-male cast that would be fucking awesome, and I would watch the shit out of it. It would be beautiful. Maybe Ghostbusters 3 will be good, or maybe it won't. Either way, I find it pretty exciting to be living in a time where The Replacement's song "Androgynes" is coming true.

Like Baby Miss Piggy says, "Do do do what you want to do. Be be be who you want to be, it's up to you." And Baby Miss Piggy doesn't fuck around.