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"Asking the Tough Questions" Zack Kouns interviews Human Host (January 2016)
by Zack Kouns



When I sat down to shoot the breeze with Mike Apichella, a representative of Human Host (a legendary Brooklyn based arts and music collective) I just didn’t know what to think. That’s the facts. I knew I had to ask the tough questions to get to the core ideals of the group so that everyone out there in Horse village could stop scratching their noggins and figure out their twisty turny message. The following is a direct transcript of the interview that we conducted while watching a heated full court 4 on 4 basketball game in Columbus Park.


ZK: What's the big issue tenfold? I just had a wet morning sandwich and that's no one's problem but my old friend nobody.

HH: Process = silence, so we can't find the charger.

ZK: I just had a bob baclofen study buddy. Any tips or trades?

HH: Yes.

ZK: God sometimes speaks to me in cold sores about the lips of women?

HH: That's because you don't have enough impurity in your life. If you refute the myth of purity the god messages will never be toxic.

ZK: Here’s a tummy tickler for you Tommy two fang: Gumby gum lodestar? Lick lung lyra road, ever been zooming down that at incredible and rare RPM?

HH: I love this question! It must've been quite an adventure to come up with such a thing.

ZK: It's just a little TOO wild, the fact that I'm Richard Gere and you watched me get shot by several policemen on the banks of some stream only god knows about and my little stepsister asked you for fare to get back to Chicago and you told her you didn't have a dime to spare. That's hard to swallow.

HH: No comment.

ZK: The Host with the most, huh? Prove it, why don't you?

HH: We combine aliens, witches, Cosmic-Americans, Guam, Mauritius, The Aleutians, and Sam's Portuguese Girl 'O' Peace.

ZK: Slim Whitman's 'the north wind', I've lived that song a time or ten zillion, how about you? What's your take on Whitman? Walt, Slim, your uncle Rick, take your pick in the jackpot, piper, get it while it’s hot, why don't you?

HH: That song is incredible and so is Slim Whitman, but I can't say that I relate to the tune so much that I feel like I've "lived" its subject matter because there is no such thing as loss, and we are always gaining great new things every day. The longing that Slim Whitman sings about in “North Wind” is fantasy. A compelling, beautiful, poetic fantasy—nothing more, nothing less.

ZK: Here’s a tummy tickler for you Tommy two fang: Gumby gum lodestar? Lick lung lyra road, ever been zooming down that at incredible and rare RPM?

HH: I love this question! It must've been quite an adventure to come up with such a thing.

ZK: When do you think they're gonna let Pete Rose in the hall of fame, man? GIVE ME A BREAK!

HH: I'm not sure about all that, but here's a rundown of each humiliating media appearance made recently by Human Host's older siblings: 4/3/2015 The Charlee Roze Show - The siblings ignored the host's questions while performing a live "mash up" of M.L.K's 'I Have Dream Speech' and a Dahn Ricklz insult comedy monologue
6/11/2015 Jemmy Kemmill Live - the siblings lunged at the young actress Jannifer Laurents while gesturing wildly, screaming,'Yeeaaahh! Look at that thing!! It's a swawmp... it's a wuv swawmp!'
7/23/2015 Smilee & Wesst - The siblings refused to answer the host's questions. Instead they all started banging on a desk yelling,' Order! Order! Order in the court!! We demand a recount!!!', stopping only to take some almighty whip hits.

ZK: I'll call you a lot of smart mouth stuff, but I'll never call you late for dinner

HH: Great... thanks for nothing. Expect a CALL from our fake lawyers very soon.

ZK: The wild west. Imagine sitting on the back of a horse whose front is a howling wave of bile. That'd be a tuff ride, you into that kind of thinking?

HH: Generally, actions speak louder than words, but yeah. // guilt is worthless \\