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Status Updates that I didn't post to www.facebook.com (June 2016)
by Zack Kouns



I’ve seen that machine before. It’s called “The Pony Up”

I think about the asshole goblin more than I should. I am willing to admit that.

Maryland’s always been pretty cool with me, even when I cop an attitude with it.

Hey, will you put out the real Stardaddy record on Human Contraction, bud? I worked hard on it and I want the world to turkey smile.

Gall Bladder Gum: Taste the taste that will make your ducts go daffy.

Since you’ve been on my case about Turkey Talk, I discovered a new character: Timmy Turkey Truetongue. He gobbles away while the band plays on.

I have a 3 disc Hall and Oates box set. Also, Lionel Richie is really underrated in noise circles, in my opinion.

That buffalo takes all of my posts down but my remarks are pretty incendiary. He really did respond to my board game remark though, and he even spelled like a Buffalo would so I really believe that he typed it up.

I’M NOT AFRAID OF BLADES, BABE.

I like to laugh and I like to watch antics on the West Wing BABY AND HAVE FUN. I just want to go on the record and say I love Christmas and furthermore, the Season 2 West Wing Christmas episode is coming up fast and I’m on the edge of my seat.

Listening to an all bagpipes Christmas album and having a cool night.

I don’t see what’s so great about Halloween anyway? Has Steve Winwood ever sang a song about ghouls? Has there ever been a West Wing Halloween episode?

A spot so secret not even the spiders knew about it.

I want to go on the record and say that I am aflame with the Christmas Spirit right this second

Pantera can suck one, I hate loser metal. HEAVY METAL MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH. YOU DON’T SEE STING TRYING THAT SORT OF STUFF DO YOU?

You’re my bone broth, it’s a simple easy meal to try for anyone.

It was wild when I saw you as a baby in your mother’s womb in a picture.

I’m gonna try to get you on a coin or two so that you can be the first VP to have that honor but if you screw up, you’re on your own.

I want to go on the record here and say that your freaky attitudes really float my boat.