Paradisiac's Corner - Bonk's Adventures
by Arvo Zylo

When I was under 10 years old, I went to school in an extremely violent neighborhood. Before school, we'd play in a long but skinny patch of grass on the playground, which was about a block in length. There were syringes, discarded porno, and dead rats in the playground regularly. The first pornography I ever saw was probably on the playground, and it was a woman with a cigar in her vagina. As an adult, I'm now under the impression that this could kill a person after time.

We played a game called "Alligator". We'd have what felt like 30-50 kids and one "Alligator" that was appointed in some way. The alligator was to stand in the middle of the playground while the others tried to run past him from one fence to the other. His objective was to knock down as many kids as possible, in whatever way possible. No holds barred. People would get punched right in the face or clothes-lined, and once their body hit the ground, they were also an alligator. The game ended when only one kid remained among alligators. There was one time where a kid was tackled upon a dead rat, and the rat's brain seemed to pop out of the rat's mouth upon impact.

I was always the shortest kid in school, by far. I was never at any point taller than 4'9. My head has always been disproportionately larger than the rest of my body, and probably from watching the WWF during the height of Hulkamania, I learned how to head butt very well. The way my head is shaped, people used to call me a "devil", but more often, as a pre-adolescent kid, they used to call me "Bonk". In fights, I'd learn to jump and head butt people, or stomp on their feet/kick them in the shin and then head butt them. I've knocked out kids' teeth, and I broke one kid's nose with my head. I used to have head butting contests with people, and I only lost once. I once repeatedly headbutted with Wesley Willis for over half an hour. That was probably the last time I headbutted anyone.