Jeremy Irons' dad and his tie ins with the Big Urine Industry: A roundtable discussion
by Zack Kouns and Robby Kee
ZK: I met Jeremy Irons' dad last night because I'm friendly and I travel for work, Kee.
RK: Douglas Repetto started following me on Twitter. Made me feel special even though I haven't crossed state lines in far too long.
ZK: Don't get off topic, here. The topic is, I can't believe Jeremy Irons' dad is still kicking. Jeremy is getting to be pretty old.
RK: Good point, well made. The J man is 66 himself. It's been 21 years since he was in the Lion King.
ZK: I'm getting pretty mad that some people, like Alex Hampshire, aren't even old enough to be alive yet and Jeremy Irons' dad just can't seem to die. I'm getting pretty mad that cows and other animals need human urine to keep their bodies clean. If rich white collar acts like Stardaddy Rickie and Alex Profligate don't start donating to my cause of meeting Jeremy Irons in person and asking him the big questions about human urine and the search for eternal youth then I'm going to go NUTS. If it looks like Rick and it smells like Rick getting pissed on by cows, then it is Rick.
RK: Look, after Rick got that part on Better Call Saul, he had more money than sense and he needed to park his cash somewhere. He put his cash in big urine. Big urine has a chance to break out. It's a renewable resource. Just like the TV show with Jeremy Irons' dad about Bob Hopeiary got renewed. Think green, look yellow was a brilliant slogan. It's gonna help the crossover. That's why they won that ad age award. Big urine is gonna cross over before insect flour does.
ZK: The day I watched 4 dying cows piss on Rick while he writhed around in ecstasy was the day I met the seemingly immortal dad of Jeremy Irons.
RK: Big Irons deserves to be 130. I like him better than Bob Hope and that guy still lives as giant topiary in the shape of a turtle.
ZK: Jeremy Irons dad told me that the noise underground scene in North America needs to stop mouthing off, needs to stop being so angsty and have laugh or two and to start a conversation with the world about how to be joyous. I'm ready to start that conversation but everyone else is gonna have to stop being such a stick in the Rick. Jeremy Irons' dad also told me that Rick deserves to be put in the smallest cage his boney body will allow.
RK: I think you're jealous of Rick's newfound celebrity and his smart investments in Big Urine. A joyful urine bath might be a good idea for you.
ZK: I think you're dumber than you used to be and you've always been pretty dumb. I think you owe me an apology for me not meeting Jeremy Irons sooner and Starlag owes me an apology for Hampshire sending me a photo of him putting his head into a turdy toilet from a nice warm bathtub.
RK: I had that set pass for Dead Ringers. I offered it to you, but you wouldn't wear a red robe like Cronenberg asked you to.
ZK: I wish you had Jeremy Irons' dad and I wish you had a little cash to throw my way so that I can sue the bad attitude anger of North American tough guy underground music for all it's worth, which is next to nothing in metaphysical dollars but very rich in white collar cash.
RK: I would like to meet J Iron Sr. If you could arrange that, we could get you a white collar.
ZK: Jeremy Irons' dad gave me a white collar and we covered it Rick's new animal investment skin urine cream. The fountain of youth just turned a brand new color/collar: healthy wheat grass yellow.
RK: Yellow's a hard color to match with skin tones, I can't recommend that. Blue is a better alternative to white than yellow.
ZK: Kee, you don't know anything about life. I can't believe you wake up and feed yourself is what Jeremy Irons just told me and I tend to agree with him and his dad on all topics. You rub the Rick animal urine into your animal cow farm face and it blends in easily. It's so easy even a white collar office gopher may or may not be able to figure it out (probably not)
RK: Hey now, I'm not the one who lives in a field here. I live in a city and these kinds of urinary acts are not well tolerated.
ZK: You act like you've never been to the bathroom in an Atlanta Subway sandwich shop, Robby. Everyone's collecting everyone else's urine for possible profit in the Pecan Roll State. I just step back and watch the wheatgrass roll into me and Jeremy Irons Sr's bank account.
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