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Status Updates that I didn't post to www.facebook.com (May 2016)
by Zack Kouns



Iím trying to croon ďHi Lili, Hi LoĒ with my new easy listening group.

You need to worry less about Dan Akroyd and more about keeping Keith from the Ham. Weíve got our diverse funds and futures tied up in that venture. Also, you need to worry about Akroyd more. That guy was born on the wrong day.

OK. Trapped in paradise, huh? Imprisoned in a (Nick) Cage. The Dead Poets can sneak you out and take you on a wild ride. Donít sleep on Weir like that sick guy Morgan. I just canít wait till our little Starman has children of his own and truly becomes the consummate Stardaddy. Canít wait to ďTangoĒ with Fogg TV and ďCashĒ in on their blunders.

The Guest and Bug Bite were the Dark Ages of superstition, the Shed of Fools was the Age of Reason and now Capra leads us into the Age of Enlightenment.

Down on the Funny Farm, weíre about fun infused life lessons about Karen Allen being the vixen in all of my night dreams. We will finally retell the story of Parsifal.

You are the Fisher King. Thereís no sheriff. Just me and you and drinking in the sorrows and joys of anarchy. Iíll teach you in a cave where we film where I am a son of my mother, son of God. A modern day retelling of Parsifal about a rich kid whoís been kept in his mansion by his mother all of his life runs away from home and hijinx ensue. Also, a pop album about being servants.

I canít believe how great a painter that Kinkade is. Picasso can lick a bird. I just told my boss to kiss my butt. Weíre so free that IíM scared for us.

Yeah, Iíve got a problem all right, child. Iíll be in a fiddlerís puddle that will make the snakenecks slither green with envy. Ainít no cliff high enough for me to not see clearly now that the rain is gone and mommyís munchies have him eating through my walls like the worldís tallest termite.

Vince Gill FUCK YOU. Iím the smart winner, depression. Youíve tried to flip a switch in my brain. Tell your dealer to cut it out. Vince Gill doesnít have the courage to cheat on Amy Grant. Amy Grant has a mystical bent, in my opinion.

The best present I got from everyone in the world except for one person for my birthday is that no one left a McCafe in my car.

You saw that from a chopper on your way from one decadent fat cat soiree to another one, so I doubt you can trust your eyes. Also, your vision is poor.

Iím just a teardrop on the cheek of life, baby. Iím on the team.

Nolte kicking that ball in the beginning of Blue Chips taught me how to approach problems on and off the court.

You ever experienced courtly, knightly, chivalrous love? Iím going through something really wild here. Itís a wild ride. Wow, Iím a goner on a real flight over the moon. Itís time to cool it for once.