Bloodmoon (May 2017)
by Ilysian Fields
my father’s spirit entered me on the weekend of the blood moon to return back to my age to do what he
must do in order to save his soul from some kind of perdition but it happened through the voice of my
grandmother who started talking to me from within me (or was it me? did she become me? am i now
her?) at the Godspeed You! Black Emperor show on september 25 2015 as the band was playing while
projecting images of old photographs of ashkenazi villages and old worn in letters from one loved one
to another during the song 'mladic' which means “young lad” in croatian. i discovered that band when i
was 19 at my ex boyfriends apartment on beatrice st (and beatrice is my grandmothers name but she
mainly went by ‘B’.) in my first year of university when i would skip class to hangout at that
dilapidated punk house named 'the creatures house’. my exboyfriend's mother did a spirit channeling
with me that year and contacted my dead grandmother on my fathers side who told me she didn’t really
like my mother all that much. and so on that night when my grandmother became me at the show of the
band that i discovered at the street of my grandmothers name i walked home afterwards with my
exboyfriend who i started to wonder if he was actually my grandfather or my father. we walked along
the don valley parkway and as i’m freaking out about what ancestor spirit just contacted or entered me
and wondering if i now have a new name we stumbled upon some graffiti that said ETERNAL
MYSTERY UNIVERSAL INTELLIGENCE and my mind was blown by this sign. we returned to his
apartment and i’m lying on his bed staring up at some art he made on the ceiling and wondering what is
going on and there i see the twisted face of my grandfather stuck inside the painting and he was asking
me to help him get out of it. i returned home that morning to a mirror smashed on my bedroom floor.
the next day i’m walking down my street and i hear a series of names being yelled out. “samantha! gail!
amanda! alissa!” i walk by and there was a group of people drunk on a porch and they were each
throwing different names at me, trying to guess my name.
something about mirrors, about identities, mixed up reflections and converging timelines of
reincarnational goals and fixes. time is speeding up karma is collapsing into a single life i am my father
my mother my grandmother my grandfather my lover and me.