Bloodmoon (May 2017)
by Ilysian Fields

my father’s spirit entered me on the weekend of the blood moon to return back to my age to do what he must do in order to save his soul from some kind of perdition but it happened through the voice of my grandmother who started talking to me from within me (or was it me? did she become me? am i now her?) at the Godspeed You! Black Emperor show on september 25 2015 as the band was playing while projecting images of old photographs of ashkenazi villages and old worn in letters from one loved one to another during the song 'mladic' which means “young lad” in croatian. i discovered that band when i was 19 at my ex boyfriends apartment on beatrice st (and beatrice is my grandmothers name but she mainly went by ‘B’.) in my first year of university when i would skip class to hangout at that dilapidated punk house named 'the creatures house’. my exboyfriend's mother did a spirit channeling with me that year and contacted my dead grandmother on my fathers side who told me she didn’t really like my mother all that much. and so on that night when my grandmother became me at the show of the band that i discovered at the street of my grandmothers name i walked home afterwards with my exboyfriend who i started to wonder if he was actually my grandfather or my father. we walked along the don valley parkway and as i’m freaking out about what ancestor spirit just contacted or entered me and wondering if i now have a new name we stumbled upon some graffiti that said ETERNAL MYSTERY UNIVERSAL INTELLIGENCE and my mind was blown by this sign. we returned to his apartment and i’m lying on his bed staring up at some art he made on the ceiling and wondering what is going on and there i see the twisted face of my grandfather stuck inside the painting and he was asking me to help him get out of it. i returned home that morning to a mirror smashed on my bedroom floor.

the next day i’m walking down my street and i hear a series of names being yelled out. “samantha! gail! amanda! alissa!” i walk by and there was a group of people drunk on a porch and they were each throwing different names at me, trying to guess my name.

something about mirrors, about identities, mixed up reflections and converging timelines of reincarnational goals and fixes. time is speeding up karma is collapsing into a single life i am my father my mother my grandmother my grandfather my lover and me.