The smell of all of our mother's hairspray in second grade, Chicken Soup for the Soul and nightly trips to the Pizza palace: Zack Kouns asks Lauren Hamami the tough questions (November 2015)
ZK: Lets hear about what it was like to grow up in a room in Athens, OH in the home you're living in now and have never left a single time. Wow, if those walls could talk, huh?
LH: (No response.)
ZK: While we're on the subject: I'm really wild about cats.
LH: (Silence.)
ZK: Look Lauren, I'm asking the questions here. I'm also answering every question. Wow, I love a good old fashioned open forum. Here's a good new question: why does my office smell like hairspray my mom used when I was in second grade? Riddle me that, cowpoke.
LH: (maybe some sort of picture answer)
ZK: Hey wow, here's another puzzler: are you on some sort of hunger strike? What gives? Try eating a pizza every now and again/nightly and see if that doesn't get the taste buds watering and the turds rolling, baby!
LH: (some sort of picture text answer, I don't know)
ZK: Unbelievable. Another great interview. Who could ask for more? You've got a way with words.
LH: (Silence.)
ZK: This is incredible. Your insights blow us all away out here in TV land. Keep the pearls of wisdom rolling, baby!
LH: (Silence.)
ZK: Here's a good question for you: I love the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.
LH: (No response.)
ZK: I'm in silver screen heaven watching the Chicken Soup boys make us all cry every second and make us feel good. That's a question by the way.
LH: (Nothing.)
ZK: Wow, I'm gonna shoot pretty straight with you. I do not like pornography one little bit. I am not into it at all. Period. It's as simple as that. That was a question.
LH: (No response.)
ZK: This interview is going great. You're irritating me. I'm gonna let you have it in a second. Just kidding one second ago when I said that. Truth be told, it would be really funny to blast you with a pie in the face. I would laugh forever and ever about that. I can't wait to give you a good cream pie in the face and we both just laugh and laugh. Here's some actual truth for you: I have been thinking about cramming an entire cream pie directly in your face for a long time. That would give me a lot of joy, Lauren. This interview is going great.
LH: (Silence.)
ZK: I hate porno and I love blasting Lauren in the face with multiple pies in the kisser one after the other, that's my new motto. That's an interview question.
LH: (No response AT ALL)
ZK: A small white dog with am erect pink penis barking at me and trying to chase me. That's a question.
LH: (Silence.)
ZK: The sun peeking through the clouds and illuminating a field of Golden Alexanders. That's a question.
LH: (Not a word.)
ZK: Well let me just thank you for sitting down with me and answering the tough questions of life and teaching us how we can all live. This interview went great.
LH: (text pictures)
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