Honest Abe Lincoln Testifying Against Vince McMahon in Court
by Zack Kouns, Pony Payroll Bones, and Bryan Martin
ZK: Bryan Martin, you remind me so much of Abraham Lincoln before he was ever born that it hurts me.
BM: Remote viewing the toilet.
ZK: Bryan Martin, watching you deliver the Gettysburg address before Abe Lincoln was ever born was a thrillride.
BM: I’ll never live any of this down.
ZK: To Bryan: watching you speak in a courtroom as Honest Abe was a high point in my career as human.
BM: Testifying against Vince McMahon has made me a wanted man with a beard.
ZK: I was just at Marco’s about 5 years in the future. He was there, I was there. Bryan Martin delivered a rousing speech about angels because he’s running for Abe Lincoln’s third term and he’s trying to gather up a team of rivals. Namely: Marco and I. Marco is a democrat and I’m a Pleidian.
PPB: Well he is brut tush and does political landscapes for a living….makes sense.
BM: Less work and more of a shoot if you asks me and Dr Plubb.
PPB: Ask Charlie who tha fairy is
ZK: Hey Charlie: who’s tinkering with Tinkerbell, wise ass?
BM: He was listening to the Wooden Glass
PPB: Philip Glad Glass. My favorite. March of the Wooden Elves Symphony 21/2. Ask Zack about the fairy.
BM: Hey Zack, care to elaborate on this fairy?
ZK: The fairy’s Charlie’s problem. Marco and I are living 5 years in the future and trying to get a good man elected president and I don’t have time for Charlie if all he’s ever gonna do is snort glass, piddle around with winged freaks and field questions every second from anyone who has his cell phone number. He’s never gonna beat Honest Abe or get his face on a coin or 3 if he doesn’t learn how to manage his time.
PPB: Are yu the dorf in the yarn?
ZK: I’ll tell you about a fairy I know. Her name is Julia Roberts but she just changed her name to Miley Cyrus and then immediately changed her name to Leslie Keffer and I’m so damned confused that I want to walk up to the lead singer of a loser metal band and say: “get a life”
PPB: Well yu know Lindsay Lohan finally lost that ring finger. Go figure….
ZK: Bryan, don’t take this the wrong way but I am very rich and I am buying this election for Foghorn Leghorn. Foghorn Leghorn will make Honest Abe Martin salute again.
BM: Can we all meet up on Route 50 in like an hour?!?! My potato says I’m tired but I got all the windows closed so I’m open to any suggestions. Huck? Tito Grange doesn’t have to be involved this time if you don’t want?
ZK: I’m already there and I’ve got a man sized chicken paddling a man sized dog strapped to a rope in my back seat so I wish you two would get here soon so we can elect the next president of the USA
BM: Hey Zack, how many zip codes does it take to buttfuck a light bulb?
ZK: That’s a trick question, Martin. And this rabid dog getting whooped by a 300 lb chicken In my backseat would love to answer it up close and personal. Bryan, you’ll make a great VP. Especially after you change your last name to Kouns.
BM: Ever since I got an immersion blender I refuse to engage with store-bought hummus, baba ganoush, corn smut huitlacoche, “seeker sauce”…uhhh, help me out here Kounsie.
ZK: Bryan isn't Mrs Kouns
PPB: Not yet. Mr Yeti.
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