by Lauren Hamami
i had a dream the other night that my relationship with morgan was conceptualized and turned into a film. the art was brilliant. the vague scenes with soft and cool colors and slightly slower motions felt like innocence. my face was younger, like it was when i was 14 or 15. the scene that moved me the most and represents how i truly feel is the one where i am in the bathroom and i look at my soft sweet face smiling back at me in the mirror and flash the face begins to look upset; sad like im about to bawl. flash, the face is sweet and smiling again, flash, even more upset, flash sweet and young and then flash to an older looking bawling with mouth wide open, head covered in scarf. its me now. i see this transformation take place on my own face, as an audience member of this film and am so moved to sadness and helplessness. feeling that i woke up carrying and havent fully addressed since. i dont want to grow up and no one ever told me it would mean that i dont get to be innocent anymore.
the bathroom scene portrays how i have let go of my childhood without a choice, and how morgan helped me through it.