In 1971, the C.S.C. Outlaws, a militant biker gang with a rowdy sense of humor (running jokes were often punchlined with squad car burnings, gang rapes, and lynchings), scooped up a hefty row of foreclosed foundations and spritzed the Mile virtually overnight with dives, drug fronts, sporting houses, stables, and hole-in-the-walls. Clubs like the Flatiron, Vaudeville, Spahn Ranch, The Electric Cowboy, Four-in-Hand, and Deadwood Station attracted every lowlife degenerate in Fairplay, Tennessee. Business was booming for the C.S.C. Outlaws; every resident of Fairplay was a lowlife degenerate.
Perhaps the grisliest backlot establishment was the Moneypit (formerly the Paywall), located behind the Spooky Cat. Jo-Jo ran the place “negligently and incompetently at best,” said Budd Maney. Budd, or “Bud” as he was referred to by his closer compatriots, besides being the Fairplay Fire Marshall, was the Moneypit’s best customer. On any given day or night, you could catch up with “Bud” while catching an act. Who’s on tonight? I take a closer seat, nod my head at Budd, adjust my jars, and squint at the stage. It is April 23, 1972 and Stardaddy Dixie is performing “Bring A Boy Home”:
“Bring a boy home
It’s all the rage
Bring a boy home
I’m in my cage
Will she bring a boy home
tonight?”
By 1972, Stardaddy Dixie would be more appropriately named Grandaddy Dixie. The self-proclaimed rock n’ roll rebel was considered a dinosaur by the public. His new album at that time, Passion, was rarely spun on college radio. The album cover had a feather-capped Stardaddy painted with clownwhite and holding a fiddle. Playing the part of a gypsy, Dixie pranced and caterwauled at half-speed through basement jams like “Bring A Boy Home”. Unfortunately for Crawdaddy, it takes more than minor chords and spooky fiddles to make a good tune.
To state that Daddy had fallen from glory would be inaccurate. Passion was “business as usual” for the hopelessly talentless and mercilessly prolific man. “I was born in the middle of the road and that’s where I’ll stay,” Daddy told Lasso. Lasso told Daddy, “If I ever see you in the middle of the road, I’ll run you over. Your crimes cannot be forgiven.” Daddy went into a stumble spell, lost his hawk, and started mall walking. Lasso pulled out all the big guns and cleaned up. Both Lasso and the money went missing. Hard Law suspects, “To find one is to find the other.”
Well, I’m feeling pretty cozy with my can in a koozy sitting here in the club next to Bud. Bud’s telling a little tale and I’m feeling warm and his voice is warm. Let’s listen in, shall we?
“...and he says to Firaent, ‘Do I look like I’m made of water?’ And Firaent lunges at him yelling, ‘No, you look like you’re made of shit!’ And ol’ ‘Leftwing’ Lasso steps aside to dodge Firaent’s clumsy attack and Firaent collides with the paywall and falls backwards. He’s seeing stars, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t want to be in his shoes. So I let Lasso take his sneakers, and I keep the socks.”
Ribber “Stardaddy” Dixie passed away on August 10, 2013, at his residence. He was preceded in death by his ex-wife, Bobbi Lernum. Survivors include Bobbi and Ribber’s three children, Hester, Mood Ring, and Mod; Daddy’s daughters, Allison and Velvet; his sons, Hank, George, Grin, & Donovan. Visitation will be from 4 to 7 p.m today, Aug. 29, 2013, at the funeral home. Funeral services will be at 11:15 a.m. on Saturday, Aug. 31, 2013, at the funeral home with Dr. Smaples officiating. In lieu of flowers, the Dixie family has asked for money contributions, cash only.
