Love...

Romance...

What the fuck...

Oooooookay...

'Romantic love' and 'real love' are not the same. In the West, we have been tricked into thinking and, more insidiously, feeling that they are. But, what we are really seeking in romantic love is an experience of the Divine through a bridging of the unconscious with the conscious via our souls. That's why there's such an intensity surrounding romantic love - because our souls do not fuck around. The mistake we keep making is by attempting to build such a bridge through a relationship with another person. We choose other people because in the West a genuine religious experience is practically impossible to find anymore, and indeed has been practically impossible to find for a goddamn long fucking time thanks to a darkly invasive, shallow, materialist, shit-for-brains culture that simply doesn't have time for such silly, unscientific, old fashioned hooey and/or mumbo jumbo. Of course, most religions don't deserve our focus, commitment, devotion... Right? Damn straight. However, you can always create your own religion (or whatever you would like to call it) - your own path towards connecting with yourself and, more importantly, others in a uniquely and creatively imaginative (dare I say, magical?) way that doesn't fuck around or fuck things up. It's not easy. It takes work and discipline. Focus.

I've lived a pretty rag tag life. And need to really focus. Without such focus, I am apt to fall prey to negative patterns of thought and subsequent behavior which sever the connection between myself and the world. Staying positively connected to a seemingly negatively driven society/world in a universal way that is unique unto oneself is tricky stuff. But, it can be done. As they say in the biz: C'est la guerrrrrrrrrre...

As I grow older I find that the heady, intense, heart-throbbing feeling of being 'in love' isn't nearly as alluring as the feeling of simply loving someone warts-and-all. In fact, being 'in love' with someone all the time is a real pain in the ass. And to expect my beloved to be a bridge between my sense of the inner Divine and the subsequent realization of that sense in the outside world is madness. Because such a role is not human. Therefore, it's not fair or realistic to put that on another flesh-and-blood person. So, if you don't have that inner Divine relationship happening it will wreak all sorts of havoc on your 'lover' or 'romantic interest'.

Personally speaking, that 'inner Divine relationship' happens, for me, through music. Always has. Probably always will. And the thing is, music can't be a 'lover' or a 'romantic interest'. It's how I conjure my inner relationship with the Divine or anima. And, without that inner relationship, I can't be in a truly loving human relationship. One needs both. Or one is f-u-c-k-e-d.

So....

Again....

What we understand as 'romance' and 'love' in the context of a relationship between two human beings has been twisted by Western culture to the point that we can't truly lovingly relate to each other as creatures who make mistakes and aren't perfect (a.k.a. are "human"). But, that societal construct is dead wrong and, unfortunately, at the root of why many unions ultimately end in a break up. Each person in the relationship has to have their own personal inner relationship with their imaginations or Divine essence, if you will (Female - Animus, Male - Anima), and then have a HUMAN relationship with their partner. If that dynamic isn't present, the union falls apart under the weight of each person expecting the other to provide said inner/divine relationship.

I've only very recently had these realizations (learned them, actually). They're still sinking in and desperately fighting to get through the layers of ignorance and bullshit that have covered me for far too long. And that's what it is - a fight.

To those who have suffered as a result of my ignorance and lack of diligence in breaking through said ignorance and doing something about it... I apologize. You were always beautiful and deserved better.

(This is Part One. I will attempt to further clarify these ideas over the next few installments. Like I said, a lot of this is fresh - but deep - ground, and strikes me as insanely important, so.... Yes, more reflection is required to truly make all-encompassing sense of it all.)