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Sean Pennís never been in a flick yet
A roundtable discussion with Kee and Kouns

ZK: Sean Penn wearing makeup, thatís something I have to live down.

RK: Is that what happens in the movie Snow Piercer?

ZK: Iíve never seen that or any other movie. Iíve only seen thousands of hours of Penn in a salon chair getting made up for the camera. Iím starting to think movies arenít all complete fact, Rob-o.

RK: Iím just very turned off by the name Snow Piercer but I could believe it as a description of Senn Pennís face piercing through the makeup (read snow metaphor.) Do you have any favorites in the rap world?

ZK: Sean Penn has a lot of weird opinions, I read an interview with him in ďMy Dream MonthlyĒ, a periodical that I put out in my own brain all the time and in this interview he says (and I quote) ďI never leave the makeup table and Iím not happy with my life unless Iím having pounds of paint applied to my face every second of every day.Ē Regarding rap A) I donít listen to music and Iím almost completely convinced it doesnít exist.

RK: So Pennís Matthew Barney?

ZK: I donít know who Matthew Barney is but if heís anything like Penn, then heís a punk recruit because makeup isnít everything. Now that Sean Penn joined Metallica and the Museum of Modern Art as their newest made up dummy doll ďNothing else mattersĒ Sean Pennís not a bad guy, heís just got some goofy opinions, for example the latest opinion he expressed in ďI make all the rulesĒ Monthly, a brainy periodical that comes out in my brain daily, if not monthly: ďNow that Iíve joined the Rock group ďNowsĒ from Atlanta, I donít see any reason why I canít put on makeup all day long and let Robby Kee do the heavy lifting.Ē

RK: I thought he was gonna improve my billing in Malibu. Itís worth the extra effort for the guarantees. Have you seen caviar stuffed into a baseball glove? I have. Because of Penn.

ZK: It was nice to have a complete nervous breakdown when I watched you eating caviar out of Sean Pennís catcherís mitt with your tongue and only your tongue, Penn screaming at the top of his lungs ďEat every last bite, Robby or Iíll lock you up in your own house tonight like you did to Zack and Rick my dear friends even if they donít like my makeup habits and spend too much time playing trivia and earning trivia badges.Ē Sean Pennís never seen a movie yet because of his busy schedule. Hope I can sit down and watch ďWhat About BobĒ with him one of these days. Teach him how to wrangle a smile from the pit of compulsion.

RK: I do now have a special guest key. It is attached to a 2.5 foot cardboard lobster tail. Iíll send you a picture when I print out the sign that says ďguest key, but most especially for Zack KounsĒ

ZK: Look Robby, I wish Sean Penn hadnít been with me in deep space and watched a planet born from friction and I wish he didnít have his makeup kit with him, applying layers and layers of makeup to his face in ZERO GRAVITY.

RK: Sean Penn hasnít been in a space movie, thatís why he doesnít know whatís up. Tell him to be in Moon 2.

ZK: A) Sean Penn has never been in any movie, I think thatís been proved pretty conclusively by ďReality isnít realĒ a slick little digest I publish in my brain constantly. and B) Hey Rob, ever seen Sean Penn light a candle?

RK: He was in the band Candlebox. That was a whole box of candles.

ZK: I donít see how he had the time. Makeup is a full time job. I guess Sean has feelings too, though just like some of us and has to express a bad attitude with a full band expressing his real feelings through rock oriented arrangements. Like that new band heís in: ďNowsĒ RK: ďNowsĒ is a band about promoting the magazine ďSouthern LivingĒ We play country pop and music that sounds like Prairie Home Companion.

ZK: Yeah, thatís what I said. Good old Rock music. Iím heading to Harvard, baby. Scratch that, Iím going to Yale. Full ride scholarship, Kee pays for everything with his big job as rock music arranger and principal performer. Robbyís new rock act is ripping up the charts and heís gonna put me through an Ivy league school because he believes in my potential.

RK: Southern Living canít support the Icy League. Thatís up north shit. Youíre going to Vanderbilt, Emory, Oglethorpe or Rhodes.

ZK: Hey, just cause you have the Kees to the kingdom doesnít mean you get to say where I get brainier. Iím going to Vanderbiltís, I mean Yaleís, I mean Rhodeís Island school of horticulture and Divinity and applying Pennís makeup on the grounds of deep space.

RK: Deep Space U is a really serious program.

ZK: I go there every night and the only thing I ever learn is that Sean Penn has never actually been in a flick.