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Sean Penn’s never been in a flick yet
A roundtable discussion with Kee and Kouns
ZK: Sean Penn wearing makeup, that’s something I have to live down.
RK: Is that what happens in the movie Snow Piercer?
ZK: I’ve never seen that or any other movie. I’ve only seen thousands of hours of Penn in a salon chair getting made up for the camera. I’m starting to think movies aren’t all complete fact, Rob-o.
RK: I’m just very turned off by the name Snow Piercer but I could believe it as a description of Senn Penn’s face piercing through the makeup (read snow metaphor.) Do you have any favorites in the rap world?
ZK: Sean Penn has a lot of weird opinions, I read an interview with him in “My Dream Monthly”, a periodical that I put out in my own brain all the time and in this interview he says (and I quote) “I never leave the makeup table and I’m not happy with my life unless I’m having pounds of paint applied to my face every second of every day.” Regarding rap A) I don’t listen to music and I’m almost completely convinced it doesn’t exist.
RK: So Penn’s Matthew Barney?
ZK: I don’t know who Matthew Barney is but if he’s anything like Penn, then he’s a punk recruit because makeup isn’t everything. Now that Sean Penn joined Metallica and the Museum of Modern Art as their newest made up dummy doll “Nothing else matters” Sean Penn’s not a bad guy, he’s just got some goofy opinions, for example the latest opinion he expressed in “I make all the rules” Monthly, a brainy periodical that comes out in my brain daily, if not monthly: “Now that I’ve joined the Rock group “Nows” from Atlanta, I don’t see any reason why I can’t put on makeup all day long and let Robby Kee do the heavy lifting.”
RK: I thought he was gonna improve my billing in Malibu. It’s worth the extra effort for the guarantees. Have you seen caviar stuffed into a baseball glove? I have. Because of Penn.
ZK: It was nice to have a complete nervous breakdown when I watched you eating caviar out of Sean Penn’s catcher’s mitt with your tongue and only your tongue, Penn screaming at the top of his lungs “Eat every last bite, Robby or I’ll lock you up in your own house tonight like you did to Zack and Rick my dear friends even if they don’t like my makeup habits and spend too much time playing trivia and earning trivia badges.” Sean Penn’s never seen a movie yet because of his busy schedule. Hope I can sit down and watch “What About Bob” with him one of these days. Teach him how to wrangle a smile from the pit of compulsion.
RK: I do now have a special guest key. It is attached to a 2.5 foot cardboard lobster tail. I’ll send you a picture when I print out the sign that says “guest key, but most especially for Zack Kouns”
ZK: Look Robby, I wish Sean Penn hadn’t been with me in deep space and watched a planet born from friction and I wish he didn’t have his makeup kit with him, applying layers and layers of makeup to his face in ZERO GRAVITY.
RK: Sean Penn hasn’t been in a space movie, that’s why he doesn’t know what’s up. Tell him to be in Moon 2.
ZK: A) Sean Penn has never been in any movie, I think that’s been proved pretty conclusively by “Reality isn’t real” a slick little digest I publish in my brain constantly. and B) Hey Rob, ever seen Sean Penn light a candle?
RK: He was in the band Candlebox. That was a whole box of candles.
ZK: I don’t see how he had the time. Makeup is a full time job. I guess Sean has feelings too, though just like some of us and has to express a bad attitude with a full band expressing his real feelings through rock oriented arrangements. Like that new band he’s in: “Nows”
RK: “Nows” is a band about promoting the magazine “Southern Living” We play country pop and music that sounds like Prairie Home Companion.
ZK: Yeah, that’s what I said. Good old Rock music. I’m heading to Harvard, baby. Scratch that, I’m going to Yale. Full ride scholarship, Kee pays for everything with his big job as rock music arranger and principal performer. Robby’s new rock act is ripping up the charts and he’s gonna put me through an Ivy league school because he believes in my potential.
RK: Southern Living can’t support the Icy League. That’s up north shit. You’re going to Vanderbilt, Emory, Oglethorpe or Rhodes.
ZK: Hey, just cause you have the Kees to the kingdom doesn’t mean you get to say where I get brainier. I’m going to Vanderbilt’s, I mean Yale’s, I mean Rhode’s Island school of horticulture and Divinity and applying Penn’s makeup on the grounds of deep space.
RK: Deep Space U is a really serious program.
ZK: I go there every night and the only thing I ever learn is that Sean Penn has never actually been in a flick.
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