Recipe For Disaster: Noodle Nutcases (September 2015)
by Zack Kouns and Rick Weaver

ZK: A whole body made out of Noodles clutching an elk's horn, shaking it at the sky and screaming wild noodle language. That's something I would eat. An olympic sized public swimming pool filled with buttered noodles. Dive in and dine in, friend! Baseball sized noodles being pitched to you by a major league baseball player. Oodles of noodles. Noodle Nutcase, that's my name and don't whomp me over the head with it.

RW: Who you fu mang choodling, noodle maniac?

ZK: Noodle me this numbnuts: noodling around on a twelve string floor tom. Noodle boyz toyz: get em' while they're limp!

ZK: Where the noodle ends....lipstick for the noodle but mind your linguinage of rocket fuel for the swarthy noodle jack o lantern of all trades o import o export impealling a noddle gross sauce in "Red" Lester's fanpage and fanfare dedicated to fibbing a noodle across the Swami river in the sweet sixteen gift card.

ZK: Noodle sorcery, noodle saucery, noodle kit and kaboodle. Have I got a spelt for you, noodlenose: COCK A NOODLE DOO!

RW: Meat sauce the Noodles. It is Noodlemania Noodle Starr and the Sgt Noodle Lonely Spumoni Liver Hearts Club Soda Band. Welcome to the career center. Say toodle-dee-doodle to Mr. Piddle's noodles.

ZK: Wrapping BBQ noodles all around my body and becoming the world's best Christmas present.

RW: Finger bowl noodle bowl. Pay for it twice, again Sam, if you would like. Zaire's worth of noodles. An Everest allows a tingle to victim coordinator on the down low for archival porpoises in the seedy back alley of Olive Garden, just a crouton away from a shake and a layaway. Door to door...noodle me more. Antioxidoodles of noodles on a king's California cup and waterbed.

ZK: Whatever noodle suits my leisure suits, that's who I drive down the road with. Chopsticks, cowboy hats, gambling, gamboling, granulating Graham cracker noodles made from pure 100 percent noodle honey.

RW: Moby Noodle and Captain Moby from planet techno we won't go...The John Birch Noodle Society wants you in the boiler room holding on to dear life like a marijuana joint while Bumbo Bob bucks like the lost banter of the Buffalo. The lingo on linguine will rais the glass to half Saturday mass to a standing ovulation of all citizens under house arrest. That's the way the noodle crumbles.

ZK: The big cow eats. Everyone feeds the big cow noodles. Every waterfall and body of water soaks up noodles for the big to eat. Every rifle ever shot is for the big cow to climb up a leafy hill, have a revolver pointed at his back and put on a greasy apron made out of noodles swaddling him.

RW: Sun Beam Noodle Cosmos Blues Explosion. Temperate Life of Diffident Edelweiss and Noodle Sinatra does the singing on this noodle landscape. The whole kit and kanoodle. Theo's last kit. Scarlett O'hara on the Noodle Riviera gave me quite a scare-a!

ZK: You're a noodle poodle and if you keep shedding all over my lap I will pay you in thousands and thousands of noodles to lap up an Amino Acid and strap up bubby boy because this is going to be the noodle life of a crime time. Lean lank faces lapping up noodle after noodle, dreads and DMT, that's not for me or Mr. Mcnoodle, now that we've got our pewter in the hang dog industry.

RW: Doesn't sound like the kind of noodle you would take home to mother. Noodle poodle shack. Give a dog a noodle.

ZK: Beards made out of noodles. Hospital beds made out of noodles. Hospital gowns made out of noodles. Hospital rooms made out of noodles. Surgeons made out of noodles operating on police officers made out of noodles. Sam I Am, try the biggest plate of noodles that a hospital gown who was impersonating a police officer who was impersonating a hospital room who was impersonating the biggest ol' plate of noodles that you've ever had the guts to scarf down in your twisted life. I ain't allowed up. I'm a noodle boy boy boy boy. Millions of men in black noodle shirts climbing into a hospital room to hang me with noodles they made from sea monsters made out of noodles. The hanging noodle. Noodles are lights here in the USA. Noodles are frozen and dark let's shine some headlights and bonfires on them. Tie his noodles to his legs like an old mule. Rope made out of Birch noodles, everyone rolling around and shouting orders and we'll tell you where all the noodles are to feed your face. Dissonant piano played by a noodle. Right this way. Cave noodles in the darkest numbbumnoodleHOO. Stooping down to drink snowy noodle mud from trees whose trees have died and the sun is just a noodle putting his whole mouth on a man who doesn't have any drawers on and who shits loads of noodles from his smart aleck sun mouth. Palm tree noodle up and down steps of stone and water. Everyone starving of siege noodle hunger being attacked by licking hair made out of beds and seduction and ringlets of nudity noodles chest to chest and no one touches anyone and no one grasps but by golly we delight in the noodle and it is the real deal. Robert Bly noodling around. Go out there and watch noodles fall from the oak and elm trees at the pace of a million noodles per hour and a million pine needles lapped up by the Grail King slurping up noodle water. Spruce noodle cone falling on a falling on a stone and Injun grass walkway. Take me to the big noodle in the sky. Lamb on a spear made out of noodles is a little too real for me. The slaying of the noodle.

RW: Why don't you put your money where mouth is?

ZK: Why don't you put your noodle in the blue corn moon?

RW: Rockin' Robby is orange with tech noodle boom boom. Noodle lumber under fire. Gaslighting Noodlemeister. You've earned it.

ZK: The bright blue healing noodle. Summertime shower of bright blue non concentrated healing noodles. Don't rain on my parade, ol' Mr. Noodle.

RW: Freeway might be noodlemouthed with visine and chocolate for the canines, misty for the preepers, noodle for the Tejano gloam diggers. Noodle crackle and pop. Snag, grackle and chomp. Chump Pop Cindy. Ask her anything.

ZK: ICU noodle vent. Breath of fresh noodles.

RW: I will see your vent and raise a noodle. Adam raisined a Cain. Back to school for Adam the Noodle Arm. The serpent and the noodle. My new life as a noodle is unreal.

ZK: East Saint Louis Noodle-oo. New York Noodle, a whole state population made out of noodles. I can't believe I got hired to be their PR man and I also can't believe I'm now a noodle.

RW: Noodle yea hee ho. Noodle yodel now through the badonkadonk of the noodlehorn. The dance of the bull and Noodledor. I am a cheerleader for their off track betting at the Days Inn continental breakfast room, a breakfast which features you guessed it, noodles. Bare ass noodles. Yippi ki yi noddle Pippi Longstockings stuffed with noodle visors. Pillow talk. Noodles in place of pillow. Noodles instead of lips. Noodles instead of language. Lung relleno. On my pillow was Gordon Noodlefoot with a troubador's flugelnoodlehorn.