Olympic Gold
by Mac Callihan
Prophet Nation, welcome home! Smith Holbrook back with ya’ll bringing the scoop from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. God Bless South America for being such a gracious and welcoming host to the summer Olympics this year. It’s been a once-in-a-lifetime experience for me to have witnessed such tremendous athletes competing.
The conglomeration of different nations in one city has been culturally refreshing! Mark one off my bucket list, boys, “X” it out! Okay, let’s get to some news…
Faithful Propheteers, it’s been an eventful August, yes. To your great relief, our beloved NBA Commissioner isn’t locked down in an overpopulated Brazilian jail anymore. Freedom!
He called from the payphone in his bustling jail “pod” 3 days into the Olympic games and spoke in a determined whisper to me: “Holbrook, the Olympics have come to town and my cellmates refuse to watch it on our small television. They express no interest in the Games; instead, the inmates become wholly enthralled in shows focused on criminal activity such as Cops and Jailed. It’s becoming unbearable, Smith. Last night they all grew increasingly frenetic and volatile as they took bets on a live broadcast of a women’s MMA bout. Shew...I’ve been in here for 3 weeks and each day presents new tests of fortitude and patience...not to mention self-preservation! I’m learning more about myself now than ever before; this is the psychotherapy that I never found sitting on a couch in an air-conditioned office. I’m soul searching, Smith. I’ve been self-serving and egotistical, gluttonous and utterly out of control...it’s always been a battle for me, but I’m in the midst of a paradigm shift. A shift towards minimalism and meditation. It’s true. I’m ready, Smith. Come bail me out. And reserve a room at the Hilton, my kind man. I urgently need a shower with a clean floor and walls; I feel dirtier after taking a shower here! HAHA! Oh my, Oh my. At any rate...thank you, Holbrook. Thank you for being a great person and a great friend. You are appreciated massively and I’m lucky to know you. Now let’s go witness some supreme athletes together at the Olympics! I love you, buddy, and I’ll see you soon.”
Ha! Old Adam Silver--he never fails to amaze me. So...I bailed him out and we then stayed in Rio de Janeiro and supported the USA basketball team--and whoever else we went to watch compete (no matter the sport or nation!) You’ll be pleased to know Commissioner Silver was a well-behaved gentleman over the past month. I’ve been highly impressed with his restraint, awed by his newfound gratitude and humility. And Rio has been an international circus this past month--heroes, saints, mimes, mystics, criminals, lunatics, fanatics, the whole tackle box!
So Silver and I watched our USA hoop squad lay waste to their enemies, dismantling each of them with focused efficiency. A total of 4 Northeastern KY Prophets donned USA jerseys and were integral contributors to the team. Striver Roark’s stat line in the Gold medal game, you ask? 22 assists, 12 points, and 10 steals. I know, right? Wild.
After the gold medal game, a reporter handed him the microphone. He began to speak, slowly and measured. He said, “God bless all the nations of our world. Thank you for all that you do to better everyone’s lives in your respective countries. I will cherish this moment and will remember your love and kindness forever. To rise up from a small Northeastern Kentucky Church League just a few years ago and now to have an Olympic gold medal around my neck--it’s surreal. It’s a testament to God’s great sense of humor and his ability to bless anyone at any time. Big high 5’s and thank you’s to these superstar teammates of mine, all you fans out there, the Olympic Committee; also, I can’t forget my good friend Adam Silver, the prolific gambler and wildly progressive visionary that he is, along with being the NBA’s Commander-in-Chief; and lastly, to my heavenly father above. Thank you Lord for this life of infinite possibility you’ve given us all. Life, you know, is the greatest gift of all. I’m out, and flying home to the bluegrass state ya’ll. Thank you!”
Well, Prophet Nation, it’s been a whirlwind of a month. I’m back home, and although South America was amazing, I need some porch swinging with my darlin’ wife. I’ll talk to ya, next month! Until then, much love and much hope. Help each other out there, and you’ll help yourself by doing so. I’m Smith Holbrook, and it’s Prophet Reporting.
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